So, I Did Something Bad Today...

... and really felt awful about it. And it wasn't that I just goofed- it was blatant sin. When all this was going on, the Holy Spirit started convicting me but I sort of ignored him. As always, when the deed was done, I felt horrible. I felt like I threw everything I've been working for out the window. I asked God to forgive me but I still felt awful. I felt like I needed to do something more. But what? Self-mutilation (like how the monks used to do) is out of the question. I already knew that verbally abusing myself by telling myself how horrible I am wasn't going to work either. The only thing I knew to do was to ask God to take this feeling of overwhelming guilt away. So I said, "Father God, please take this feeling away." It didn't go away.

So I decided to just go on with my night. I made my bed so I could read a little when I heard Martha's voice in my head. She told me once that Jesus paid the penalty for our sin. We have to deal with the consequences sometimes but Jesus paid the penalty. That's when I realized that no penance was needed. Jesus already did all that. He took my beating and died my death. In that moment of clarity, I declared out loud, "I don't need to do anything. Jesus already did my penance for me."

Guess what? The devil left me alone and I feel peaceful and free. God is so good.

"No, in all these things we are MORE than conquerors, through him who loved us." (Romans 8:37, emphasis added.)

My Interesting Dream

I dreamed that I was at the grocery store with my dad. It was a pretty new store right next door to my house and it was very nice. I had alot of fun exploring but everything was so expensive. After a couple of hours of shopping, we decided to go check out and go home. At the front of the store were two altars. They were round and when people would put things on them, fire would come from the ceiling and consume it. We were told that they were altars to God and people put their offerings on them. Well, I didn't have enough money to buy anything to sacrifice so we just went home. I walked in the door and noticed that we had some leftover teriyaki chicken so I grabbed a piece and headed back over to the store. I really wanted to see what would happen when I offered something.

As I was crossing the bridge to go back to the store, a thought occurred to me. Was I offering something I bought myself or something convenient? If I didn't buy it myself, was it the best I could find? I came to the conclusion that the answer to both of those questions was a big fat no. I couldn't offer this to God; it wasn't my best.

My dreams rarely have lessons attached to them but this one did. Am I truly giving my best to God?

Joy for Judgment?

"Let the seas resound, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it.
Let the rivers clap their hands,
let the mountains sing together for joy;
let them sing before the Lord,
for he comes to judge the earth.
He will judge the world in righteousness
and all the peoples with equity."
Psalm 98:7-9

When I started reading this Psalm, I was really excited because it was another one about the power of God. Then I read the above verses and it made me stop and think. I've never thought of looking at Judgment Day with anticipation. God's been really challenging my slightly fundamentalist thinking in the past week.

When learning about Judgment Day in Sunday School when I was a kid, it seemed kind of like a slightly scary time. Would I make it into heaven? Or did I somehow miss something that would keep me out? I started dreading it a little bit. As I've grown up, I've adjusted my thinking about it but not to the point where I've begun to look forward to it. That is, until today.

I just got an email from a friend named Debra. She forwarded this story about Judgment Day and how our thoughts and actions could be woven together to make a sort of tapestry. The person telling the story had a bunch of rags with holes in them but when it was put together, the holes made an image of the face of Jesus. His life was a testament to his submission to the Lord.

Here's what I think about Judgment Day. God said that he's sent our sins as far away from us as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). I very sure that he's not going to bring them back just for Judgment Day. Once we repent, our sins are gone and God's not going to bring them back to our attention. We can look forward to Judgment Day because we know that when we're right with God, we don't have anything to worry about. My life is a tapestry of the image of Jesus. When God examines my life, he's going to see that I enjoyed an intimate relationship with him and he's going to throw open the gates of heaven and encourage me to come in.

Are you looking forward to Judgment Day?

Jesus is My Attorney

"Even now my witness is in heaven;
my advocate is on high.
My intercessor is my friend
as my eyes pour out tears to God;
on behalf of a man he pleads with God
as a man pleads for his friend."
Job 16:19-21

Do you ever watch shows like "Law and Order?" I don't watch alot of TV but I watch "Law and Order: SVU" from time to time. The defense attorneys on the show drive me nuts but I have to admire their tenacity. I don't know that they always believe their client is innocent but they fight for them nonetheless.

When I first read (and paid attention to) this Scripture, that's sort of the picture that came to mind. I'm the defendant in God's court and Jesus is my attorney. Having Jesus acting on my behalf is very important to me. Sometimes it feels like I don't have anyone to fight for me so it means alot of have Jesus acting in my defense. 1 John 2:1 says that Jesus, the Righteous One, speaks to the Father in our defense. Hebrews 7:25 says that he lives to intercede for us.

I like how Job uses the word "friend" twice in this passage. It was important to him to have a friend who has God's ear. It's important for us to have a friend who pleads with God on our behalf. This friend loves us, cares for our well-being, and wants us to be in communion with God. God radically changed our relationship with him when he came as Jesus to make a path for us to have direct communication with him. What a great act of mercy, huh?

We can rest secure in the knowledge that Jesus is on our side (if we are on his) and is listened to by the Father. Through Jesus, our sins are forgiven and we have a place in heaven. Praise the Lord!

Nehemiah 9:5b-7a

Stand up and praise the Lord your God, who is from everlasting to everlasting. Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise. You alone are the Lord. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you. You are the Lord God...

God is Greater!

The Bible cracks me up. 1 Samuel 5:1-4 is an awesome telling of the power of God before all other gods. Here's what happened:

The Philistines (you remember them? They were the annoying group of people who were always picking on the Israelites) went into battle against the Israelites and captured the ark of God. They took it to the temple of their god, Dagon, and set it next to the statue of Dagon. They did it to demonstrate Dagon's superiority over God. But imagine their surprise when they went into the temple the next day and Dagon was on the ground, facedown, before the ark! So, they picked him up and the next day he was on the ground again, only his head and hands had been broken off and were lying at the entrance to the temple.

Now at first reading, I sort of pictured God slapping Dagon upside the head and sending him flying to the floor. But then the verse in Philippians came to mind-

"Because of that obedience, God lifted [Jesus] high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, so that all created beings in heaven and on earth- even those long dead and buried- will bow down in worship before this Jesus Christ, and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honor of God the Father." Philippians 2:9-11 (MSG)

The ark was the tangible representation of God's presence to the world. Any other gods didn't stand a chance. I'm not biblical scholar but I think that the devil masquerading as Dagon couldn't handle being in the same room as the Lord and fell in submission because...

"... our God is greater than all other gods"!!
(2 Chronicles 2:5b, NIV)

Hearts Intertwined

I love God. He's so beyond anything I know or can imagine. He is pure, loving, gracious, merciful, powerful, passionate, good, mighty, eternal, attentive, and awesome- just to name a few. For some reason beyond my comprehension he is all those things in an abundance to me.

We've been reading about King David in our Bible study this week. We talked about him today and the thing that really jumped out at me was the fact that God called him a man after his own heart. I started thinking about what that would mean for me if God called me a woman after his own heart. I decided that I want my heart to be intertwined with God's. I want our hearts to be so meshed that people can't tell us apart. So I made a vow to God. I promised him that I would throw off the things of this world that try to wrap their way around my heart. I asked him to show me the things that bring him joy so they can bring me joy as well. I asked him to break my heart for what breaks his. I asked him to make me passionate about the things he's passionate about. I made a solemn oath to give him everything I am and all that I have.

I decided that I needed a daily visual reminder of my promise. I needed something that I could glance at and remember my oath. Since I'm constantly looking at my hands, I decided a ring would be the best thing. God took me to the perfect store and showed me the perfect ring (in the perfect price range, might I add- ha, ha). It's a simple sterling silver band and it looks like a single strand of rope, folded over and each end is hooked together. It's impossible to tell how it would come unhooked because each end is hooked to the other. This is a poor description but the point is that it would be impossible to unhook these loops. That's how I want my heart to be with God's.