So, I Did Something Bad Today...

... and really felt awful about it. And it wasn't that I just goofed- it was blatant sin. When all this was going on, the Holy Spirit started convicting me but I sort of ignored him. As always, when the deed was done, I felt horrible. I felt like I threw everything I've been working for out the window. I asked God to forgive me but I still felt awful. I felt like I needed to do something more. But what? Self-mutilation (like how the monks used to do) is out of the question. I already knew that verbally abusing myself by telling myself how horrible I am wasn't going to work either. The only thing I knew to do was to ask God to take this feeling of overwhelming guilt away. So I said, "Father God, please take this feeling away." It didn't go away.

So I decided to just go on with my night. I made my bed so I could read a little when I heard Martha's voice in my head. She told me once that Jesus paid the penalty for our sin. We have to deal with the consequences sometimes but Jesus paid the penalty. That's when I realized that no penance was needed. Jesus already did all that. He took my beating and died my death. In that moment of clarity, I declared out loud, "I don't need to do anything. Jesus already did my penance for me."

Guess what? The devil left me alone and I feel peaceful and free. God is so good.

"No, in all these things we are MORE than conquerors, through him who loved us." (Romans 8:37, emphasis added.)